I was Enchanted to Meet You

socialteen:

succes is like pregnancy. everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it

egg-rolls:

one time i got a sample from the tea store at the mall and as i walked away the guy said “tea you later” and then his coworker smacked him

codons:

this girl who rode my bus once came up to me and was like “oh my god dont get offended or anything but are you GAAAAAAAAAAY?!” and i was like yeah and then she was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO HANG OUT AND GO SHOPPING” and i was like “dont get offended or anything but are you ASIAN?!” and she was like “omg yeah im filipino” and i was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO MAKE SPRING ROLLS AT YOUR HOUSE SOME TIME” and she never talked to me again 

sir-laughsalot:

sir-laughsalot:

I was looking at my friend’s cat pictures and she has a cat that’s more attractive than some human girls…

I WASN’T KIDDING

(Source: lrvin)

aikomaru:

if school taught everyone that rape is bad and racism is bad instead of teaching how to find the angle of a kite im pretty sure the world would be a safer place

civilisationsofpurethought:

thesickestjokes:

I left 3 notes scattered around the house earlier for my girlfriend.
They said “Will”, “you” and “me”.
That’ll keep her busy whilst I watch sports.

are you satan